Betrayed & Stayed

Praise for Betrayed & Stayed

I especially appreciate the hope she offers betrayed partners who choose to stay, and her reminder that people are more than their worst choices.
Dr. Kathy Nickerson, psychologist, affair recovery researcher, and author of The Courage to Stay

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Betrayed & Stayed is a compassionate, deeply personal guide to healing after infidelity. Monica Humpal writes with honesty, warmth, and hard-earned wisdom about betrayal, reconciliation, and the courage it takes to rebuild. I especially appreciate the hope she offers betrayed partners who choose to stay, and her reminder that people are more than their worst choices.

Monica’s story alone is a master course in overcoming and redeeming betrayal in her marriage. What makes this book even richer are her helpful descriptions of the effects of trauma on the mind and body and her coaching notes where she asks the reader to ponder compelling questions.
Rev. Dr. Nancy Burgin Rankin, United Methodist Elder and ICF Leadership Coach

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Monica’s story alone is a master course in overcoming and redeeming betrayal in her marriage. What makes this book even richer are her helpful descriptions of the effects of trauma on the mind and body and her coaching notes where she asks the reader to ponder compelling questions. She offers such humility when she shares hard gained insights in her sections entitled, “What I wish I had known.” She emerges stronger and wiser while being even more able to be tender and thankful. I felt honored to have been invited into her story and would gladly refer others to her for her hard earned counsel. And the addition of her children’s reflections added so much to help us understand the impact of marital betrayal and reconciliation on the whole family. This is a gift, not only to those who have experienced marital infidelity, but to any of us who have been betrayed by someone in whom we had put our trust.

What I found most powerful was Monica’s ability to acknowledge the complexity of having been loved and wounded by the same person while discovering her own capabilities. Monica offers the companionship of someone willing to tell the truth about suffering while making room for hope.
Jill Blackwelder, LCMHCS, CCS, LCAS, BC-TMC, NCC

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Gift That Keeps on Giving

Monica Humpal’s Betrayed & Stayed touched me deeply—as a reader, a clinical supervisor, and a mental health counselor with a 45-year career. Her honesty gives voice to the complicated relationship between love, betrayal, grief, and faith. She offers hope with grace and humility while respecting the pain of those still finding their way.

Monica’s reminder that feelings are not the measure of faith echoes the scriptural truth that we walk by faith rather than sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Her description of faith as something that often looks more like crawling is powerful. Sometimes trusting God means simply getting up again when we feel anything but strong. Both joyful and painful experiences can deepen that trust. I thought of Proverbs 16:9: we make our plans, but the Lord directs our steps—even when those steps are painfully small.

Monica explores grief as a gift through which learning, growth, and the rediscovery of ourselves can emerge. Her reflections also recognize the meaningful relationships that can grow through shared sorrow. Yet she never minimizes grief’s sting. She allows pain and possibility to exist together without asking the reader to hurry toward gratitude or healing.

Monica’s reflections on a tested foundation beautifully connect these themes. Betrayal and grief can challenge everything we believed was secure, yet the work of healing can deepen our faith and prepare us to meet what comes next. This brought me back to Proverbs 16:3 and the invitation to commit our work to the Lord, even when we cannot see its outcome.

What I found most powerful was Monica’s ability to acknowledge the complexity of having been loved and wounded by the same person while discovering her own capabilities. She does not pretend to have every answer. She demonstrates wisdom that makes room for complexity, humility about what we cannot explain, and strength expressed through the daily practice of living.The reflections of Monica’s two beautiful adult children, Morgan and Gavin, add another deeply meaningful dimension. Their courage in sharing their perspectives reminds us that a family’s journey contains more than one experience and more than one voice deserving to be heard.

My connection to Morgan makes this especially personal. I had the honor of serving as her clinical supervisor during her final year of graduate school and counseling internship, and as she worked toward professional licensure. Years later, I remain honored to witness her work. I see how the understanding she has gained through her own experiences, and her mother’s journey continues to inform the compassion she brings to others. She carries that understanding forward “so that” others may find support and healing. In her work, I see the gift continuing to give.
This book, too, is a gift that keeps on giving. Its reach extends beyond infidelity to those experiencing many forms of betrayal and grief. Monica offers the companionship of someone willing to tell the truth about suffering while making room for hope. Her words carry grace and a deeply human humility that touched me beyond what I can fully express.

—Jill Blackwelder, LCMHCS, CCS, LCAS, BC-TMC, NCC

This isn’t simply a book about surviving infidelity. It’s a book about coming home to yourself.
Dan Fritsch, Resilient Rebuild Coaching

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This book understands what betrayal actually feels like.

Having lived through infidelity myself, and now coaching men walking through betrayal and relationship trauma, I found myself repeatedly stopping while reading Betrayed & Stayed and thinking, Yes. That’s it.

Monica Humpal beautifully combines her deeply personal experience with an understanding of what happens to our brain, nervous system, identity, and sense of safety after betrayal. She doesn’t sanitize the journey or pretend healing is linear. Her own story demonstrates that healing can involve repeated setbacks without erasing the strength already developed along the way.

One idea stayed with me more than anything: healing isn’t about emptying the backpack or somehow “unexperiencing” what happened to us. We can’t erase betrayal from our story. We become strong enough to carry its weight without allowing it to dictate the rest of our lives.

That is where choice enters.

We may not have chosen what happened to us, but eventually we get to choose what happens next. Monica wisely cautions against making life-altering decisions while we’re still on the floor; first find your footing, then choose.

Perhaps the greatest work after betrayal isn’t immediately saving the marriage or finding another relationship. It’s rediscovering the person buried beneath the fear, anger, grief, and shame, building your own wholeness and learning to love yourself before asking someone else to do it for you.

This isn’t simply a book about surviving infidelity. It’s a book about coming home to yourself.

And sometimes that’s where reconciliation with yourself first really begins.

Monica shares her story with a compelling vulnerability and honesty, not to point to her way as the only way, but to let the reader know they are not alone in the journey of betrayal and repair.
Rev. Toni Ruth Smith

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Monica shares her story with a compelling vulnerability and honesty, not to point to her way as the only way, but to let the reader know they are not alone in the journey of betrayal and repair. In doing so, she invites us to reflect on the reality of grief and loss, the damage and revelation left in its wake, and the road one must walk to find costly reconciliation with one’s self and one’s loss. Herein she invites the reader to the ground of freedom from which one can at last measure the weight of forgiveness and authentically choose their path forward into a new life.

Through her compassionate wisdom in Betrayed & Stayed, she is giving me new tools to separate the pain in my past from the promise of the present.
Rev. Linda Zastovnik, Wakening Ministry

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My world came crashing down when I learned my husband was having an affair. I knew the
author, Monica Humpal, as a colleague in ministry but had no idea she would become my
lifeline. When I told her about my tragic reality, she shared that she was in the midst of her
own. She led me to a therapist and offered me a thought that I had never entertained
before: This didn’t have to be the end of my marriage.

Through months of counseling, I became committed to the hope that Monica had planted
deep within me; my marriage was worth saving. However, after uncovering additional
secrets and even more betrayals, it became clear that he wanted out. We separated and
began the legal process to divorce.

The gift I received from Monica is detailed in Betrayed & Stayed. For me, I never imagined I
had the strength to live through the pain of being betrayed by my husband. Yet I didn’t just
live through it; like Monica, I survived! After doing the hard work towards healing, I’m
navigating relationships again with a new hope. And Monica – once again – is my lifeline.
Through her compassionate wisdom in Betrayed & Stayed, she is giving me new tools to
help me to separate the pain in my past from the promise of the present.

I thought I had healed and was ready to move on. Only thing, “healing from betrayal is not a
straight line,” (page 11) and “you don’t fully stop grieving” (page 80). Truth. I learned that my
brain changed through the trauma I had experienced. Trying to trust again revealed how
deeply I had been wounded. Betrayed & Stayed showed up at just the right time. It is
gripping, honest and true. As I read Monica’s story, I returned to my own unraveling. But
this time I wasn’t feeling the pain as much as Monica’s words were affirming each memory.
I had sought to save my marriage, yet not all marriages can be saved.

Throughout the book Monica takes breaks from writing about her experience to speak
directly to us. She sees us and she knows what we are feeling; it’s as if she’s sitting by our
side. Every breath, every step, every choice, she is carrying us. Her presence resonates
through every word as we take each step forward – and backward. We are not alone.

Why Betrayed & Stayed Exists

Understand What Happened

Make sense of betrayal trauma, triggers, repeated questions, intrusive thoughts, and the need for consistency and truth.

Heal What Was Damaged

Work through grief, anger, fear, lost trust, and the wounds created not only by the affair, but by the lies and behavior that came before discovery.

Build Something New

Learn what healthy reconciliation actually requires and how to create a relationship rooted in honesty, safety, accountability, and connection.

This Story Is Personal

I didn’t write this book because I studied betrayal from a distance. I wrote it because I lived it.

After discovering my husband’s infidelity, I spent years navigating betrayal, reconciliation, rebuilding trust, and learning what healing actually requires. We eventually built a marriage that was stronger and more honest than the one we had before.

Betrayed & Stayed is the book I wish someone had handed me when I was trying to figure out how to stay without losing myself.

Not Sure What to Do Next?

Download this free guide to help you sort through the fear, confusion, and questions that come after betrayal.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. Start here.

Get the Free Guide

You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone

Choosing to stay after betrayal does not mean you automatically know how to heal, rebuild trust, or create a relationship that feels safe again.

As a Master Certified Coach, pastor, and someone who has lived through betrayal and reconciliation myself, I work with betrayed partners who have chosen to stay and want help navigating what comes next.

Together, we can work through the triggers, the questions, the fear, the broken trust, and the difficult conversations that make recovery feel so overwhelming. The goal is not to simply get back to what you had before. It is to help you build something more honest, secure, and connected.

Master Certified Coach • Ordained Pastor • Betrayal Recovery Specialist

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Keep the Conversation Going

Betrayed & Stayed is a podcast for people navigating the complicated reality of healing and reconciling after infidelity.

Each episode offers honest conversations, practical guidance, and support for rebuilding trust, understanding what happened, and creating something healthier on the other side of betrayal.

Listen to the Podcast

Speaking, Workshops, & Retreats

Monica brings a grounded, compassionate voice to conversations about betrayal, healing, reconciliation, grief, relationships, and faith.

Possible topics include: betrayal and reconciliation, rebuilding trust, marriage after crisis, grief and healing, healthy communication, forgiveness, and creating stronger relationships after difficult seasons.

Invite Monica to Speak

Rev. Monica Humpal, MCC

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monica@monicahumpal.com

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Betrayed & Stayed

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